You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
