he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
