We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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