i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
