thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
