Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
