Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need water and some morals
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
