just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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