guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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