so let's talk penis.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
