Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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