I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
