Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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