The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
