So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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