I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
