I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
