her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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