I want to walk on stilts...naked
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hippo gnu deer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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