i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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