I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
