On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
