woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
