Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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