hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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