so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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