K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
