Who did Billy Mays play for?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
