In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
