So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
