belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
