went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
