Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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