No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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