she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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