We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
