does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
