Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
