sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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