I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
