When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
