the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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