I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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