bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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