Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
