so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
