So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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