Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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