why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
