I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My ATM looks so different sober.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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