John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
