If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We're facebook friends in real life
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
