My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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